Archive for the ‘Sad stuff’ Category

Bitter boy

There’s something so melancholically bittersweet about putting your past – good or otherwise – behind you and starting all over again that it demands a whole night of emoness.

The events of this holidays have severely embittered me.. I understand every year’s got to have its highs and lows, for i do not deny that there have been pleasant and positive experiences this year – but do the lows and the negatives, really have to be that –  stark?

gawd i hate the little tricks that fate plays on me.

end of whiney post in case people complains of no more lessons and too many whines


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Friendships for sale

I was trying to write about some of the things that happened last week, but i couldn’t concentrate. For all i try to keep my mind on the topic it strays and goes back to what’s bugging me. Well, what’s bugging me?  I heard something earlier at Nicholas’ party that was rather intriguing and kinda fit my mood well. Yeah… the next few weeks will see many friendships up for sale.
In case i get all my possessions sued off, the source of that comment was Tristyn and i have no idea where she got it from~

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So sad

So sad, so sad…..

What is all this wheeling and dealing?
What is all this calculating and conspiring?
What is all this machiavellian politics?
What is all this selfishness and cynicism?
What is all this backstabbing and backbiting?
What is all this ignoring what you do not want to see?

it shouldn’t be like that.

This is as far as the post goes. I don’t want to talk more about it..

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I can’t run away.

The dingy omnipresent smoke of the pool parlour permeates my hair, my shirt and my jeans and irritates my eyes while i stare into space; the blurry indistinct shapes that are my friends barely registers.

Smoke from Ivan’s half-finished cigarette wafted from the ashtray across the table and into my (mostly) tar-free lungs. The hip-hop tunes blaring from the speakers and the escalating shouts of the beginnings of an quarrel from the next table are muted to an indiscernible buzz.

I can hear someone talking to me, but my mind is locked in a memory of another time and another place far away. The flickering lights of the cheap gaudy christmas tree and half-hearted decorations seem to be out of place here.

I dream of the impossible.

I wish for the improbable.

Poignant, poignant Christmas.

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A message

I’m not the boy i used to be anymore, full of naïveté and childish innocence.
I’m corrupted.
I’m evil.
I’m hardened, after long moments between the anvil and the hammer.

A message, to someone out there: I’m lost the capability.


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Trust Me

Give me your trust.
Trust me to know and to do what is best,
and i will take care of the rest.

But trust is the color of a dark seed growing.
Trust is the sound of betrayal in the dark.
Trust is the sound of a soul’s last breath.
Trust is the sound of death.

I was never very trusting, but now i can be the poster boy for cynicism. No i didn’t write that. i took it from somewhere.

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From the cacophony of voices i singled one out.
From the millions of faces i selected one out.
From the multitudes of wild jarring dreams i picked one out.
The one with her.

Through the streams and crowds of people i pursued her
Through the dark skies and thick clouds i chased her
Through spinning days and crazy nights i followed her
and stayed on track.

Sometimes i’d lose sight; And she would be there, flashing a smile
guiding, or goading? me along;
Sometimes i can’t see her; And i’ll wait- for i can feel her
and then i’ll continue

and then one day; i turned and she was gone.

I looked around, but she was gone.

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