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Archive for October, 2008

When life gives…

Up till quite a recent moment I wasn’t a very happy person.

That is not to say I am a very happy person now, but I am trying to make lemonade and drink it in my half-full glass.

It isn’t always so easy to be selective of elements from your past to bring it into your future and to select the ones to discard. Sometimes I started down certain paths just to avoid the necessity of choosing. One mustn’t falter in one’s resolve.

What will I think when I look back on this post on the 15th of October, 2009?

“where are the clouds of dust?”

-Gravel path, Sungai Buloh Leprosarium

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Paradoxes

It always seems that the busier you are, the more things that cry out to you, the more things you want to do, the more things you have to be said, the more things that get done. If you want to get more things done – go the other way.

True opportunities happens at the wrong moments – the “time” is always wrong – at the worst possible moment, not when you ready yourself for it, liberating your brains from more pressing tasks, from sleep, from a waking dream, from chores – to find yourself staring mutely at the keyboard, staring mutely into invisible patterns of the white walls, staring mutely at the train window, staring mutely at life – still life

The brain seems like a snowball going down the mountain. The more I employ it in its daily errands, the more ideas and thoughts it accumulates. It resets itself over the night and starts in the morning, from the moment I tie my shoelaces in the morning and step out of the door into the bright and crisp morning. It culminates in the evening, and when I return – I always choose to walk – my feet move on their own volition and while I am aware of it, the harsh sounds and acrid smells of urban life hardly permeates into my senses.

And yet, sometimes the same elements fills up my entire being – experiencing the city in its incomplete, raw being – feeling, through the concerted effort of all 5 senses – the wail of the ambulance – the rush of air as a train squeals past – the eyes irritated by dust and sand- the raw fumes of motion – the abject, sheer force of the loneliness around me, as I wander deeper into its gaping maw. The last thing I hear consciously, the city gloating as it swallows my life, swallows my soul.

“The guard had tired eyes after a long night shift”

30 St Mary Axe, London

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new Header

So, I changed the blog theme, as well as the header. The picture was taken in the Jewish Museum in Berlin, sometimes more well known for its architect (Daniel Libeskind) than for the actual function it serves.

I blogged about the picture’s context and background in the kinkystudio blog. Take a look here.

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Thinking about Sheep

A random rush of inspiration, and I went and signed up two new blogs for certain purposes (both in wordpress). If I continue to be productive you shall hear of them in the near future. :) If you don’t hear of them soon (soon being relative) you’ll know I succumbed to the awesome Gods of Procrastination.

Contrary to popular perception, I actually enjoy commuting. The 2.5 miles of walking and 52 minutes of train that I put in everyday (both ways) allows me to read, ponder, think and chew on apples. People complain about a lack of time lost in commuting and traveling but here I am, recycling time to suit me. By the time I reach home at the end of the day I only have time for necessary chores or errands, so it’s important that I work in some time to do these things that are essential but are never urgent. When one moves too fast one is liable to veer off course… I am always an advocate of thinking and reflection :) Already the first 8 days of working has produced several insights and refreshed my opinion and stand on several issues.

That has always been my specific goal of this year in internship, to reflect on my current point in life, refine and set the course of my path for the near future while gaining a valuable perspective on the practical reality of a working architect, good and bad included. I was so serious about that I almost went off to work in the Isle of Skye, where I wouldn’t be bothered by anything but sheep and cattle……

“he’s focusing now, quickly look away, guys!”

Quairing View – Isle of Skye

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Augusts 04-08

So, Kenny posted some pictures on Facebook out of nowhere and I was facing this on my monitor…

I permed my hair!

That was in August 2006, or close enough.. So I went digging around in my pictures folder to find out what I was doing a year before that, in August 2005…

Revelation Rave in PD! That’s me looking half-asleep, which I was. Somehow I managed to get down there in that half-asleep state without hurting myself or my passengers.

A year before that, in 2004, I was in the same rave in Genting…

Not such a great picture.

Moving forward, in August 2007…

Sungai Buloh!… That’s Ajun there with his free rambutans and the guy from which he got them from. (and, more literally, the rambutan tree at the back)

2 months ago, in August 2008 I was…

Applying for an internship in Mcdonalds, Ghent because I had no internet access at home.

So, that’s the Augusts for the past few years…..

On an unrelated note, I now have 44 gb worth of photos taken during the year 2008. That’s more than ALL the photos taken from 2001-2007 combined (33.7gb), and it’s only October. Sure, photo file sizes has increased, especially now that I sometimes shoot in RAW format, but still….

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They say, home is where the heart is, but it seems to me that my heart is where my home is. Certainty is the basis of well, lots of important things, and it’s tough when you don’t know where you going to be in the next 3 weeks. I first felt this way when I moved out of Birkbeck Court in Glasgow 3 weeks prior to my departure for Ghent; I spent 1 week in London and 2 weeks moping about Nicholas’ flat getting depressed because I felt lost. Since then that feeling has became quite familiar. I don’t know if familiarity breeds contempt in this case, but it certainly breeds dislike.

My main gripe is that it seems to exacerbate my procrastination. Never has there been a more convenient excuse to do any of the rather demanding errands – updating my address for my bank, for my mobile service provider, for my university, etc. Moreover, a huge number of chores just goes ignored, because it’s too much of a hassle to unpack everything just to get it done.

Ok, I thought there was a point to all this, but now that doesn’t seem to be the case………. I suppose it’s just random spewings.

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Watch Gone

I lost my watch. The last time I remembered taking it off was when I returned from the company party to my room in Shendish Manor filled with food, wine and whisky. I don’t know what happened to it after that, whether I brought it back to Camden or not. As can be expected, I’m not quite happy with that.

The watch, while not particularly expensive or exquisite, had with it quite a repository of memories tucked inside the little numbers and ticking hands and the tiny pieces of machinery that keep it going. I have a habit of keeping random mementos and bits and pieces of the past – on some occasions, these mementos tell me more about those bygone days more than anything else can.

Argh I am sad.

Update: 2 hours later, I found it. It was hidden under a jumble of sales receipts. Talk about the perils of overspending.

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