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Archive for April, 2007

With all the “unscheduled breaks” i’m taking, it seems surprising that i’m still not updating regularly. This which once used to be a source of clarifying my thoughts and my feelings seems now to be a dangerous place, a place of a hundred pitfalls and traps. I’m avoiding wordpress, i’m avoiding logging on, i’m avoiding to think. Many things that happened over the past month has caused me to deeply rethink my priorities and my opinions which have changed drastically over the months and years.

Where does my loyalties lie? My high school years were punctuated with an air of indifference but since graduating i have since adopted an idealistic world-view, further emphasized through the nature of my tertiary education and on-off readings and observations of the society around me. This idealism reflects, i hope, my attitude towards life and my personality towards the people and environment around me.

Having said that i got burnt early by the pitiless machinations of the isolation and the selfishness that is so deeply inigratiated in our culture – that i have grown paranoid, critical, untrusting and deeply cynical. Almost involuntarily, i’ve put on a mask, the same mask i hate in everyone else. I can’t stand this, this is driving me crazy, and affecting me elsewhere. I’m so sick of pushing myself in my work, sometimes i seriously wish to just aim for the minimum standard…especially when all my efforts seem to make no difference. many days, i’m just too tired to care.

I’m hanging out alot with the QS peeps nowadays, they’re totally nuts, so wacky and so out of the world that it was a welcome change from bloodshot eyes and frazzled nerves found in the studio. Most importantly; it was also an instant paradigm shift – they’ve made me realise something about me and probably half the architecture class.

Um, now, if i’d spend some more time thinking about what that is….. haha. Don’t like to think nowadays, gives me a headache. So when i’m not botching up yet another assignment i’m usually sleeping or watching endless videos on youtube or blowing the night away over limau asam aises (i  am SICK of anything caffeinenated).

grrrr, all my rants are muddled up. Just on an ending note, i wonder if people think, based on my posts, that i’m a totally serious and suicidal psychopath killer that might just pick up a knife and slash everything in side ala Yaw Leng and the studio notice board. ah.

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Cream of the crop

Huh boy going by the words of the lecturers our infamous batch has now recorded new lows in our college’s reputation!!

I feel embarassed just typing that.

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I feel like i’m abandoning the blog. i can sense a feeling of deep disapproval  emanating out from the people who (used to) visit. I also have not slept for very long so my words have little lucidity.

No i’m not stopping! at least not yet.. This blog is still alive until I am done with it.. haha.. but things are sort of crazy right now, i hope you guys allow me to wait till things slow down to a more stately pace then the mad frenzied pace things are flying by me right now.

I miss writing these posts, they give me time to reflect and space to think upon, but i’m “moving out” to the college or to the condo next door for days at a time even though my house its only 20 minutes drive away. When you need to save the 30 minutes traveling time to and fro college where all the labs with the fast pcs are, you know you need time management classes are your lecturers are control freak torturing nuts.

Life here is drawing on a close.. i can feel a sharp shift in my thoughts and emotions as i reconcile myself to the fact i won’t be making the daily horrible commute here and the terrible commute back, nor stay up watching sunrises and sunsets (of the same day and then the next and then the next) without moving from the room.

semester ends soon (only a month left to THE final presentation while most other subjects are already wrapping up), cheers~

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Wow it’s been such a loong time ago since the last proper post.

I’ll try to come up with some stuff soon, promise.. hahah…

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My songs have been played to death, but the work keeps coming, gosh, no updates la for the time being.

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